Introduction: The Invitation
"A simple, easy to read, blueprint for living an intentional life" -Jonathan Dolhenty, Radical Academy
"Flawlessly written, well edited, and the information is presented in a format readers can actually apply to their lives" -Kate St. Amour, BookReview.com
The themes that rule our lives today are, “I just don’t have time” and “I’m exhausted.” We are overbooked, overworked and overwhelmed. Just getting done what must be done fills our days. The notion of finding a precious hour or two to learn how to create balance, reduce our stress and discover an intentional life to soothe our aching souls is simply out of the question. This book provides an alternative to the struggle to “make time” for renewal.
I found out years ago, when I worked as a financial advisor with a Wall Street firm at the World Trade Center, that my next promotion wasn’t going to make me any happier. A newer Mercedes wouldn’t fill what was missing in my life. In fact, research has shown that the wealthy are no happier than those without a lot of money. They are no more satisfied, no more content and no more at peace with their lives, the people around them, or themselves.
The demands of our time never seem to end. Our jobs need us, our children need us, and, increasingly, our aging parents need us. We don’t get enough sleep, we eat too many meals on the run, we take too many pills and we don’t spend enough time with our children and the people we love.
Stress is “The Epidemic of the 21st Century.” We now have scientific evidence that chronic stress shortens our lives, accelerates the aging process, and is a direct contributor to cancer, heart disease, obesity, hypertension, arthritis, diabetes and too many other diseases to name. Our current research reveals that the medical toll of chronic stress costs Americans at least $300 billion a year.
So what can we do?
We can discover how to live an intentional life in a manner that requires no doctrine, no memorization of a new vocabulary, no trekking off to distant holy lands. It does not require us to change our jobs, our lifestyle or transplant our personalities. It doesn’t even require any additional time. Sound too good to be true?
We simply make a subtle internal shift that brings greater and greater rewards with practice. We can begin by listening to our authentic self and living our lives “from the inside out” instead of struggling to control the ever-changing chaos around us. We can learn to shift from making things happen to allowing them to unfold naturally. The acorn does not push, does not “try harder,” but simply knows that it is an oak tree and trusts the wisdom of its life process.
We can develop our own unique personal practices that can help us return “home” once we realize that we are out of balance. In time these practices will become an effortless and restorative part of living an intentional life of mental, physical and spiritual well being.
Most of us aren’t even aware we are not living an intentional life. We have lived our entire lives reacting to whatever life throws at us. We haven’t realized the power of our thoughts, our desires and our intentions. This is difficult for many of us to understand because society doesn’t even teach this simple truth, and our institutions and cultural traditions don’t reveal it. Living an intentional life is listening to our lives and understanding at a very profound level that our lives are the product of our choices.
There are three ingredients, or components that are the foundation for living an intentional life. They are awareness, choice, and energy, which is easy to remember as ACE. These essential roots for living an intentional life are not sequential. The key is to become aware of these three key elements in your life and learn how to navigate them.
The process can begin by developing your awareness (A) of the daily experiences of your life. I advise each client and patient to pay attention and “listen to your life.” Listen to what ignites your passion and creativity, to what gives you energy. Listen to what drains you, distracts you, and irritates you. These are the first clues to becoming more conscious of the nature of the life you now live, the one you have already created.
This awareness leads to a desire to exercise intentional choice (C) in your life. Once you are aware that your life is the result of a series of your choices, and the life you are currently living is a result of the choices you have already made, you learn to take responsibility for your life. Victim mentality ends when you understand the power of choice. You may not control many of the circumstances in your life, but you can choose your attitude and intentions in response to circumstances.
Developing your awareness and making intentional choices creates new energy (E) and power in your life. When you begin listening to your life, you become more aware of what you are eating, who you are living with, and where you go to work each day. You will begin to notice an energy swelling within you as you become more aware. If you choose to stay in a challenging job or relationship, you can choose to change your attitude. You will make new and different choices, because you now know that life is your choice, and you are the hero of your life, not the victim. You will radiate confidence and a new sense of your own power. As you follow this energy, you will be lead down the path to your intentional life. Your energy fuels your passion and as a result you experience the joy of living an intentional life.
Awareness, choice, and energy (ACE) are not experienced in any particular order. Once you understand each component, you will see that they are woven into the fabric of living an intentional life. You may wake up one day and have no energy or passion. You may feel “out of gas.” You may be watching a movie or reading a novel, and one of the characters creates a profound sadness within you, and suddenly you become aware that the life you are living feels shallow, lonely and fearful, and that you miss the energy of feeling truly alive. There may be an accident or event in your life that wakes you up and you become aware that your life must change, and a choice must be made.
As you live an intentional life, you begin to grow inward and downward, rooting yourself deeply into a healthy, fulfilling, abundant life. You are able to achieve a deeper understanding of the simple, the mundane and the ordinary moments, which bring real happiness, inner balance and fulfillment.
Living an intentional life redefines our common notion of “success” by creating depth, meaning and purpose in our lives. True success is based on self-knowledge, balance, freedom and connection, whereas success today is often erroneously seen as the collection of wealth, beauty, or power. In a society driven by a pop culture with lofty benchmarks of athletic prowess, beauty and accumulation of wealth, we must ask ourselves: How happy are we really? How many happy people, including yourself, do you really know?
By happiness I mean experiencing a meaningful and intentional life. What is missing in your life is not more stuff, or a new diet, or any form of physical accumulation. What is missing for many of us is the ability to see life in terms of meaning, balance and fulfillment. This book creates a path for you to discover how to live an intentional life infused with meaning and joy in your everyday activities and responsibilities.
One of the crucial benefits of living an intentional life is achieving work-life balance. The real secret of work-life balance is knowing you have choices in all events, experiences and people in your life.
Simply knowing you have choice restores your power.
As we practice awareness, moment by moment, we can gather information about what moves us away from our true self, creating dissatisfaction and anxiety. And we can discover what moves us toward our true self, nourishing us, bringing us a strong sense of satisfaction, purpose and power.
This book offers tools to help you find your own unique choices that will bring greater balance to your demanding life. These simple effective tools, based on age-old, time-honored medical, psychological and spiritual knowledge and wisdom, will soon become second nature and bring with them a greater sense of ease and fulfillment.
The great religious and spiritual traditions have always suggested that the most meaningful and powerful moments of our lives are available in the common, ordinary, mundane tasks of living. Discovering these precious moments for yourself is the point of this book. It simply begins by seeing the world not just in terms of physical activity and visible results, but also in terms of emotional, mental, and spiritual fulfillment. You have the capacity to “re-vision” your life, and this book is a guide to developing that capacity. Awareness, choice, and energy are available to you every day. Practicing them is easy, and, remarkably, their very smallness and simplicity hold the promise for major transformation in your life.
You can learn how to ride at the center of your life, just as when you were young, you learned to ride a bicycle. And, just like riding a bicycle, once you master the principles of work-life balance, you are on the path to living an intentional life.
You can develop your own unique practices that will allow you to explore your magnificent life in every aspect of your existence. The task is simple; the task is at hand. The rewards are extraordinary.
Let’s begin.
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